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Relationships are meant to be a source of connection, support, and joy. However, for some, relationships can feel like navigating a minefield, where every step needs careful calculation to avoid triggering conflict, tension, or a bad mood. This phenomenon is often described as “walking on eggshells.”
It's not uncommon for clients to express feelings like they have to tread with caution around their partners, which might be an indication that there are some unhealthy relationship dynamics that need to be addressed.
Let's take a deeper dive into exploring what it means to walk on eggshells, the signs that indicate you may be experiencing this dynamic, and five practical tips to address and improve your situation.
What Does Walking on Eggshells Mean?
In a healthy relationship, open, genuine, and easy communication is key, and interactions with a partner should not be complicated or require careful analysis of one’s composure. Walking on eggshells in a relationship refers to the behavior of being overly cautious and hesitant to approach a partner due to fear of their reaction. This behavior can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship dynamic, where one partner’s missteps are not easily addressed without push back from the other side.
Walking on eggshells refers to a state of hypervigilance and emotional caution in a relationship. It often occurs when one partner feels they must avoid certain topics, actions, or emotions to prevent upsetting the other person. This dynamic can lead to feelings of anxiety, resentment, and a loss of authenticity within the relationship.
At its core, walking on eggshells can stem from a power imbalance, unresolved conflict, or one partner’s unpredictable emotional reactions.
In a healthy relationship, partners feel safe to express their thoughts and emotions without the constant fear of triggering a negative response. However, when walking on eggshells, one partner may feel like they are constantly tiptoeing around the other, afraid that any wrong move could lead to conflict or emotional outbursts. This fear-driven behavior can erode trust and intimacy, making it difficult to maintain a genuine connection.
Signs That You’re Walking on Eggshells
Recognizing the signs of this unhealthy dynamic is the first step toward change. Here are some indicators:
Constant Anxiety: You often feel nervous or tense around your partner, worrying about how they might react.
Self-Censorship: You frequently avoid expressing your thoughts, needs, or feelings for fear of causing conflict.
Overthinking Interactions: You spend a significant amount of time analyzing your words or actions to ensure they won’t upset your partner.
Avoidance of Certain Topics: There are “off-limits” subjects that you avoid discussing entirely to prevent arguments or emotional outbursts.
Walking on Edge: You feel like you have to be overly accommodating, putting your partner’s needs and emotions above your own to maintain harmony.
Emotional Exhaustion: The effort to manage the relationship leaves you feeling drained and depleted.
If these signs resonate with you, it’s important to acknowledge that this dynamic is unsustainable and can have long-term effects on your mental health and the health of your relationship.
Understanding the Root Causes of Walking on Eggshells
Walking on eggshells can be a learned behavior that is not necessarily related to the current partner’s behavior. Past experiences of trauma or abuse can also lead to a pattern of walking on eggshells in future relationships. It’s essential to understand the root cause of this behavior to break the cycle. Recognizing the signs of walking on eggshells is crucial to addressing the underlying issues and working towards a healthier, more open relationship.
In a healthy relationship, partners can often predict each other’s reactions and behaviors, creating a sense of security and stability. Disagreements and conflicts are normal, but they are not a source of constant fear and anxiety. When walking on eggshells, one may feel like they are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, waking up feeling fine but with a sense of dread about what might trigger their partner’s anger or annoyance. Overly relieved when their partner is in a good mood, but this relief is short-lived due to the unpredictability of their partner’s mood.
When you realize you might be stuck in an unhealthy dynamic
There is often anxiety and fear about one partner's reaction which can cause people to try to "control" their partner's behavior by avoiding conflict or not speaking up to avoid walking on eggshells. This can be a low-level anxiety, where individuals avoid drama, or a more intense anxiety, where individuals are perpetually cautious due to past experiences. Individuals who walk on eggshells may have a history of trauma or abuse, which can contribute to their anxiety and fear. This behavior can be a learned response to past experiences, rather than a natural way of interacting with others.
Individuals can learn to change this dynamic by rewiring their brain and developing healthier coping mechanisms. This involves recognizing when their anxious brain is taking over, calming down, and taking action to assert themselves. Taking action is a crucial step in stopping walking on eggshells. This involves acknowledging and expressing one’s emotions, rather than trying to avoid or suppress them. With practice, individuals can develop the skills and confidence to express themselves more effectively and assert their needs in relationships.
Signs and Symptoms of an Unhealthy Relationship
Emotional abuse is not always obvious, making it an easy-to-miss form of unhealthy relationship dynamic. Signs of walking on eggshells include:
Causing Others to Walk on Eggshells: This is a red flag for toxic behavior. If one partner’s actions or words consistently make the other feel like they must tread carefully, it indicates an unhealthy dynamic.
Mood Swings: One partner’s mood swings from happy to mildly annoyed or angry at the slightest shift in the other’s tone. This unpredictability can create a constant state of anxiety.
Shaky Grounds: One partner is placed on shaky grounds at all times, causing them to bend over backward to avoid an imminent complaint or change in mood.
Spontaneous and Excessive Complaints: Complaints or mood changes may be spontaneous, excessive, and can stretch on for lengthy periods of time, leaving the other partner feeling emotionally exhausted.
These behaviors can create a toxic environment where one partner feels they must constantly monitor their actions and words to avoid triggering a negative reaction. This emotional strain can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and a loss of self-worth.
5 Tips to Stop Walking on Eggshells
1. Acknowledge the Pattern
The first step to breaking free from walking on eggshells is recognizing and naming the behavior. Reflect on the dynamics of your relationship and identify specific moments when you feel anxious or silenced, fearing that bad things might happen if you speak up. Journaling can be a helpful tool to gain clarity about recurring patterns and triggers.
Acknowledging the problem doesn’t mean assigning blame—it’s about creating awareness and taking the first step toward change.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are essential for fostering mutual respect and emotional safety in any relationship. This is especially important in an emotionally abusive relationship. Start by identifying your own needs and limits. What behaviors or situations feel unacceptable or draining to you?
Communicate these boundaries to your partner in a calm and assertive manner. For example:
Instead of: “You always make me feel bad when I share my feelings.”
Try: “I feel hurt when my feelings are dismissed. I’d like us to work on listening to each other without judgment.”
Consistency is key—enforcing boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s a vital step toward regaining balance and authenticity in the relationship.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Walking on eggshells can erode your self-esteem and lead to feelings of inadequacy. This constant anxiety can significantly affect your overall quality of life. Practicing self-compassion helps counteract this negative self-talk and builds resilience.
Remind yourself that your needs and feelings are valid. Engage in activities that nurture your well-being, such as mindfulness, exercise, or spending time with supportive friends and family. Taking care of yourself will make it easier to approach relationship challenges from a grounded place.
4. Communicate Openly and Honestly
Effective communication is critical to resolving tension and building trust. When you feel ready, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you’ve been feeling.
Use “I” statements to express your perspective without placing blame. For example:
Instead of: “You’re too sensitive, and I can’t say anything without upsetting you.”
Try: “I feel like I’m holding back my thoughts because I’m afraid of upsetting you and triggering angry outbursts. I’d like us to find a way to talk about things more openly.”
Be prepared for a range of responses—your partner may feel defensive, surprised, or even relieved that you’re bringing up the issue. Stay patient and focus on working together to create positive change.
5. Seek Professional Support
Sometimes, the dynamics of walking on eggshells are deeply rooted and challenging to address on your own. These behaviors can permeate various aspects of our lives, affecting personal interactions and coping mechanisms. Couples therapy or individual therapy can provide a safe space to explore these issues with the guidance of a trained professional.
A therapist can help you:
Identify and challenge unhealthy relationship patterns.
Develop effective communication and conflict-resolution skills.
Rebuild trust and emotional intimacy.
Therapy is not about assigning blame but about fostering understanding and collaboration. Even if your partner is unwilling to participate, individual therapy can empower you to make meaningful changes in your own behavior and mindset.
Move towards emotional safety and connection
Walking on eggshells in a relationship is a sign that something isn’t working as it should. While it may feel overwhelming, acknowledging the problem and taking steps toward change can lead to greater emotional safety and connection.
Remember, healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, open communication, and shared vulnerability. By addressing the eggshell dynamic and prioritizing your own well-being, you can create a stronger and more fulfilling connection with your partner—or gain the clarity to move forward in a way that serves your best interests.
If you’re struggling with walking on eggshells or other relationship challenges, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. You deserve a relationship where you can be your authentic self, free from fear and anxiety.
Reach out to Living Openhearted Therapy and Wellness to book a free consultation and learn more about therapy to help you develop healthier boundaries and navigate relationship issues.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Kristin M. Papa, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker in California, Puerto Rico, Virginia, Utah, and Florida. She specializes in stress and burnout, anxiety, and women’s mental health.
***The ideas, concepts, and opinions expressed in all Living Openhearted posts are intended to be used for educational purposes only. The author and publisher are not rendering medical or mental health advice of any kind, nor are intended to replace medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. Authors and publishers claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material.
***If you are experiencing a mental health emergency you can call the National Suicide and Crisis Line at 988 or go to the nearest emergency room.